3 people have signed up and completed their offers!  Yay!  One person has signed up, but their offer is not completed.  (Who are you, originalcandycoatedgum?  Thanks for signing up!)  That leaves one to go!  Let's go team!  Time to rally the troops! Toe the line!  Buckle up!  Let's go get Misty's iPod!

I'm on strike until more people sign up for my iPod :)  Only chitty has so far, and he's never even met me! (Thanks!) Here's the link for your convenience:

http://www.freeiPods.com/?r=19660994

In addition to the lost cell phone, my MP3 player broke, but this is much more fun to fix than the lost cell phone.  John sent me this cool site where you sign up for one offer, get 5 friends to do the same, then you get an iPod.  For example, I signed up for a wine club.  I get a bottle free (paying $7 for shipping).  There's a lot of other offers: BMG Music Service, Rhapsody (like iTunes), credit cards (which are free), they're all very low cost or free.  When you click on the link below and sign up through me, I get credit for your purchase.  BUT, that also counts as your one purchase towards your iPod.  So I know there's all you people in London and at Texas State reading this thing--help me out :) If I have your email address, you've already gotten this, lol. (I do know people who have done things like this...it's genuine.)

Be sure and use this link so I get credit:

http://www.freeiPods.com/?r=19660994

It may finally become illegal to burn the American flag.  Not likely, since it still has to pass the Senate and ratification by all 50 states.  But this is the first time it's really had a shot at passing. 

I'm all about the Constituion, free speech, democracy, etc.  But if you burn the flag, aren't you using your freedom to show hate towards the very institution that gave you the freedom to burn it in the first place?  It's certainly circular, and shows the lunacy of the act itself.  Isn't there a better (not to mention more productive) way of expressing your unhappiness? 

The article mentions that this measure might actually pass because of a surge of patriotism post-9/11.  What?  Are we so lazy as Americans that we can only muster some passion and patriotism after a catastrophic tragedy?  Burning the flag should either be okay, or not, regardless of surrounding events.  Democracy is not relative.  I'm not a fan of flag-burning, but I do have a problem with people going all fire-and-brimstone on me just because of some terrorists.  We were still Americans on 9/10.  And 9/9.  Ever since July 4, 1776, as a matter of fact.  83,629 days of being Americans, and we decide TODAY that maybe desecrating the symbol of democracy might not be a great idea? 

We are guaranteed free speech, and the conservatives are all about exact interpretation  (I'm sure by "right to bear arms" our 18th century forefathers certainly intended to include Uzi's and machine guns).  Those same conservatives think flag burning should be protected by free speech.  Hmm, last time I checked, no interpretation of "speech" said anything about demolishing symbolic objects by combustion.  Let's check (detour to dictionary.com).  Speech: The faculty or act of expressing or describing thoughts, feelings, or perceptions by the articulation of words.

So write a book, write a blog, yell into a microphone for all the world to hear.  As Voltaire said, "I disagree with what you said, but I will defend to my death your right to say it."  I will not defend your right to act like an surly teenager who torches things.

This has already been emailed to everyone I know, but here's a plea to the random readers of my blog who might be able to help me out...

1.  Pedestrians: It's annoying, but you have the right of way.  That doesn't mean that we're not in our cars saying "50 points for the fat guy."  You don't have a right to mosey across the crosswalk.  For the love, MOVE.  It's even more annoying when you don't at least make the pretense of looking before you cross.  Looking for cars and scooting across the street says "Hey, driver, I know I have the right of way, but you're in a hurry too, so I'll make this easy on both of us."

2.  Turn signals.  Please, people, learn how to use them.  The length of time you should leave your turn signal on is indirectly proportional to the speed you're going.  On the highway?  Putting on your turn signal as you cut me off and veer towards exit doesn't help me out much.  In a neighborhood?  I don't need to know 3 blocks ahead that you're turning into your driveway.  (Seems to be mostly minivans that do this.)  Places you should never use your turn signal: turning into a parking space or driveway (it's just annoying), AFTER YOU'VE ALREADY MADE THE FREAKING TURN (if your turn wasn't sharp enough to cause the signal to turn off by itself, that's a key clue that you didn't need to be using it in the first place), and when you're in a lane that has no choice but to turn (it's just redundant).

3.  Minivans.  I've discussed this before, but it's time to revisit the subject.  I've revised my prior opinion in that now I think we should just ban them altogether.  They're good for no one.  I used to think bad drivers bought minivans, but now I think driving a minivan makes you a bad driver.  Run, people.  It will suck out your soul and any cool you have.  Don't give in.

4.  The right lane.  If there are more than 2 lanes, don't sit in the right lane unless you're turning right.  Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to be in a line of cars at a red light trying to turn right, only to be blocked by the idiot at the front?  As Dilbert would say: Must..control...fist of death...

5.  Merging.  If you are merging...you. do. not. have. the. right. of. way.  It's a tough lesson, but we all gotta learn it.  If they people on the highway are nice, they'll make room for you.  If not, well, sorry.  That doesn't mean you get to careen in without even looking.  One of these days I'm going to let you hit me.  I need my front bumper replaced anyway, and I might as well do it on your insurance.

I've had some complaints about not posting much lately.  Though I'm glad I'm missed, I'd like to remind you that I don't get paid for this.  If someone's interested in setting up a small fund, then I'll see what I can do ;)

So this weekend I went camping. (Pictures here.)  It was not my idea, as you can imagine.  But I gamely went, because Perry loves camping.  I did put my foot down and only agreed to go for one night.  I figured if I was only there 18 hours, I wouldn't be forced to use any public shower facilities, and I could eat most meals before or after.  Granted, it was better than I anticipated, but we weren't exactly roughing it.  It turns out that tents do indeed have bottoms, and once you've got them filled up with foam eggshell, a couple of layers of sleeping bags, extra blankets and pillows, you could almost pretend you're in a quaint un-air-conditioned European hotel.  But this is only if you consume a large amount of alcohol immediately before bed. Also, there were more coolers than people, huge amounts of pre-processed snack foods, tons of cookware, and people doing such things as "sauteeing vegetables" (Pioneer man: Honey, could you saute up some vegetables?  Pioneer woman: Sure, as soon as I finish fighting off the wild animals and hand washing our clothes, I'll dash to the market for some extra-virgin olive oil!). 

The biggest lesson I learned from camping?  Don't save the the leftover ranch dip from the Memorial Day boat trip and then take it camping 2 weeks later.  I had some emergency dashes to the bathroom the next morning, but luckily Stephanie thoughtfully assigned me to the site nearest the bathroom.  It's great fun to be nauseous in a hot tent that's a 10-yard-dash away from the bug infested bathroom :) 

The next day included a trip to Devil's Hole, where I refused to get in the water.  A man nearby helpfully explained that he'd been coming there since he was 10 and still had all 3 legs and 1.5 arms.  Gee, thanks, dude. We also went hiking and ran across a baby deer (only a week or 2 old) that actually let me pet it.  Perry then made fun of me, telling me the mom wouldn't accept it now that it had my scent on it.  Then as we were driving out of the park later that day he said "Look, there a sign that says "Don't pet the baby deer"!  I believed him a good 5 minutes, much to his amusement.  I'm gullible, and I think it's mean to tease me :(

My question after the weekend:  Why pack up everything you need to live and lug it into the wilderness when you can just stay at home where everything is already conveniently located? 

I found the coolest website, www.findgift.com.  You put in the person's name, age, gender, relationship to you, occasion, and check off things they do and don't like, and the site generates a list of gift suggestions.  You can save searches for different people, and change around the details (like occasion) when you need a new gift.  As you can probably tell, I have an occasion coming up that I've had the hardest time finding a gift for.  I've never in my life had to buy an anniversary present.  It has to be meaningful and thoughtful, but not too mushy lest is cause the boy to run for the hills.  It's a delicate balancing act, let me tell you.

Then there's this gem, brought to you by John, who apparently will never again update his blog. Madmen are allowed to freely roam across the borders, yet I was detained at an airport because I had a "suspicious number of batteries."  It was not a suspicious amount, it was precisely the number of batteries one would need to power a CD player across the Atlantic.  And here, a caustic take on airport security that could only come from Slate.

And lastly, on an entirely separate subject, your thought for the day, courtesy of one of my coworkers:
There is more being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimers Research. This means that by 2040 there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and great erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

For some reason I've been completely unmotivated to post the last week.  But here's some pictures from Memorial Day, courtesy of Barbara.

I apologize in advance for the following information: I went to a strip club this weekend.  ONLY (are there any other ways to emphasize that word?) because it was the only place in town showing the Pay-per-View UFC match, and there was no chance I was letting Perry and friends go alone.  I will give them credit for genuinely being interested in the match and paying very little attention to the other, ah, entertainment.  It was simultaneously horrifying and a serious blow to the ego.  I have the vague notion that one should be allowed to be beautiful OR trashy, but not both, because that is very unfair to the rest of us!  Not an experience I care to repeat.