I was going to post about how, like last year, it's the last Wednesday in April and there are no flowers on my desk.  I was going to talk about how I had to make the office reservations for the Administrative Assistant's Day lunch (do you see the irony?) but there are more important things afoot.

Strange things have happened in my life the last 2 weeks.

As we all know, I got waitlisted at UT. This annoyed me, not least because I don't like being told I can't do something.  This makes me all the more determined to do it.  So I decided that I was going to law school whether UT let me in or not.  Surfing law school sites one day, I saw that St. Mary's in San Antonio accepts late applications.  So I applied on a whim-a month and a half late.  One week later I had an acceptance letter.  All well and good, but financially it just wouldn't make sense to go there this year.  It's a private school, expensive, and having applied so late I wasn't eligible for scholarships.  I would have to break my (very expensive) lease and borrow about $40,000/year.  It just made more sense to wait till next year, apply to several schools, see who offered me money, and make an informed decision.  So one week after receiving the acceptance letter, I emailed and asked to be deferred until Fall 2006 so I would be eligible to compete for scholarships. One hour after I sent that email, 2 deans and an admissions counselor had me on a conference call offering me a full scholarship. 

What do I do now?

I don't deal with change well.  This is a lot of change, really soon.  I had settled into the thought of having another year to make a decision about this, see if UT let me in sometime over the summer, etc.  Now I have to find an apartment, find loans, break my lease, and leave my wonderful fabulous boyfriend (who swears we can do long distance, but still...).  Now that it's real I'm terrifed.  What if I suck?  I don't know how to study.  I've never studied.  You can't get away with that in law school.  It's only fear holding me back, but is it fear of change or fear that this isn't the right decision?  Obviously I'm in a quandry because I'm asking people I've never met for advice, but please...tell me what to do!

Charlie O'Connell, what the hell is wrong with you??  Can you not tell that Sarah W. is a total raving bitch?  I don't know who you pick in the end, but as you watch these shows airing now, and you see how Sarah treated all the girls in the house, I hope you're smacking your rather large head in agony at what a complete moron you were for continuing to give her roses.  I understand that you're kind of a big oaf (in a cute way) but that doesn't excuse total ignorance.  Seriously, are men that blinded by blonde hair and a batting eyelash?  I'm completely disgusted.  But it's my own fault.  This is what I get for deigning to watch reality television.  Utter disappointment.

All men should be required to read GQ.  And have to follow all the advice.  It's good advice.  Men will tell you it's "girly-man" advice, but they're wrong.  I know men like to communicate with each other using only grunts, make crass jokes, watch Fear Factor and talk about how much better they are then those wimps, and laugh hysterically at bodily noises.  But men, if you want a life more complicated than that of a chimp (and by that I mean, if you ever want a girl to speak to you) you're going to have to do better than that.   

What do women want, you ask?  Well, let me tell you.  All that about sensitivity, sense of humor, stability, and intelligence? We're just kidding about that.  What we really want is a man with some fashion sense. GQ is full of helpful info for a more cultured life*, but for now let's focus on the Fashion department.  For example, an exellent cover story on this month's GQ: Yes, Real Men Wear Pink (Complete Instructions Inside).  For some reason, men do not like color.  When they go shopping, they buy only things that look like everything they already own.  But when did it become taboo for american men to wear anything except colors that can be found in your average mud pit (ie, black, brown, and and navy)?  

This is an American phenomenon.  I quote from Corie's blog on English life:  "I love the way the boys over here dress, it puts our version of Thomas Pink to shame (yes, believe it or not – Thomas Pink US is a watered down UK version).  The office is a jungle of carefully coordinated blues, lavenders, greens and even pinks.  I am so spoiled over here – I don’t think I will ever be happy back in the land of maroon polos and Dockers."  American men are simultaneously going into seizures and speaking in capitals now.  Wear a PASTEL SHIRT?  to WORK?  with A COORDINATING TIE?  Well, yes.  What do women love?  A handsome english boy in a lavender shirt with an adorable accent.  Ever heard of Prince William?

My point is, why are men trying to impress each other when they should be impressing us?  A carefully coordinated outfit (that looks, of course, like you threw it on with virtually no forethought) leaves your competition in the dust.  And what could be more manly than that?

So again, let me urge you.  Read GQ. It will not lie to you.  It will not lead you astray.**  Then, when someone compliments your outfit, you won't have to tell them your girlfriend dressed you      

*How do I know this?  My office gets GQ and I have a lot of free time.
**Don't worry, there are lots of articles featuring photos of hot girls so your manhood doesn't feel threatened.

1.  Why do cashiers give you a bag when you only buy one item?  You can either walk out of the store holding what you bought (1 item) or you can walk out holding a bag containing what you bought (1 item).  It's pointless.  Yet when I buy 3 or 4 Red Bulls at the gas station, the cashier never offers me a bag. 

2.  Who's reading this thing?  According to my counter, I've had 25,000 hits!  From who?  Unless the 10 people I know read it are checking back 15 times a day. 

My weekend passed in a haze of coughing, sniffing, hacking, and massive amounts of cold and allergy medicine.

Friday night after a lengthy nap, the girls headed down to Iron Cactus for dinner then out for a little bar hopping.  Here is my Ode to Paradise Cafe.  It is my favorite place to start out the night because 1) there's a specific high top table that's always empty, as if waiting for me, 2) they have $3 Long Islands that are made from a mix, and therefore always taste good, 3) you can actually hear each other speak.  The service is terrible (Typical conversation: Me:Do you work here? "Waitress": Yes.  Me:Could've fooled me.) but the pros outweigh the cons.  Then on to the Light Bar, a hefty trek from the 6th Street strip, but I had chips and salsa, nachos, and sugary drinks to burn off.  My Ode to the Light Bar: I loooove the massage chairs.  The drinks are overpriced and the live music is always terrible, but if you have massage chairs you can get away with just about anything.  Then on to Friends and Spill, neighboring bars that are the best place to dance away the end of the night and I don't care what anyone says, they're not that ghetto.  We walked into Friends and were immediately summoned by a bartender who said he wanted to serve us cause we were cute.  Some random guy offered to buy our drinks. Yay for the power of girls' night out! :)  I asked if they had Sugar Free Red Bull (I'm not a diet freak, but that's all we have at the office, so that's what I'm used to) and the bartender looked at me like I'd lost my mind.  He then gave me a high five and said "That's awesome!  No one's ever asked me that before!"  I find that odd since Austin is the most hippie health conscious place in the world, but whatever.  I think he was drunk.

Saturday night I took another lengthy nap to convince my body I felt great.   I figured I had 2 good hours before my body figured out it was all an illusion. I met Sara, Karen, and John at Duckhorn Tavern in downtown Temple.  It's an oddly classy place for Temple, and the spicy peanut mix was addicting, though I don't think it quite deserves an Ode. 

The weekend was capped off by shopping (thank you, mommy!) and lunch 2 days in row at Casa Ole (oh how I love $2.49 Blue Margaritas).  Today I am back at work, coughing, hacking, and sniffing in my Dayquil Haze, waiting for the weekend.

I meant to post today; I have pictures to post and important things to say!  However it was insane day at the office.  I spent the day enlarging Far Side cartoons and putting them on transparencies.  You know, cause at our office we only concern ourselves with really pressing matters.  Seriously, it was really busy and I refuse to blog at home (though I guess that's what I'm doing now...) and all my pictures are on my computer at work, and I'm the only one in office that doensn't have "GoToMyPC" so I can access it from home, blah blah blah.  The point is you'll have to wait till tomorrow for all the lurid, fascinating (okay, so they're not too lurid.  And not so fascinating.) details and pictures from my weekend.  

I was going to blog today, but I was informed that John has not renewed his Blogware account so this, therefore, is the end of Twisted Fate.  I feel it's only appropriate to take a day to mourn the loss of one of my favorite blogs.  I will return Monday, still grieving over this senseless loss (Why, John, why? It's only $5/month!), but ready to face the reality of blogging in a Twisted Fate-less blogosphere.

Perry's coworkers did this.

This weekend I went canoeing, and did not tip over the canoe! I did scream bloody murder when we ran into a tree branch and 3 bugs fell on me, but hey, it's baby steps. We also went to the San Antonio zoo, I have pictures and commentary up here.

In other weekend news, I ran into some really bitchy girls and actually (sort of) stood up for myself.  I swear if they'd said one more word to me, it would've been on! :) I was waiting at the bar to order a drink and Mean Girl #1 shoved past me, instead of using bar etiquette, which mandates that you say "Excuse me", inch one shoulder in, and put a hand on the bar to show that you want in the line to order a drink.  Then her friend, Mean Girl #2, shoved past me also.  At this point I stepped back and said:
Me: Hey!
Mean Girl #1 gives disparaging look.
Me: I'm standing here too!
Mean Girl #1: It's the BAR, sweetie.
Me: You could say excuse me!
Mean Girls #1 and #2 give me ugly look.
I return the ugly look and the guy standing next to me motions the bartender over and tells him to take my order! I give a final glare, turn away, and haughtily order my drink!


And...I've been continuing to add photos to the Shoe Box, so keep checking back.  Sorry for the weird angles on some of the pics, but since most people would find it strange if I asked them to take a picture of my feet, I've mostly been taking them myself. 

UNC won!  I won the office pool!  $80!  And I'll never see a penny of it; it's going straight to pay the AmEx bill!